SWARTHOS

Yesterday while me and my dog were enjoying the rainfall taking place outside our favorite window upstairs, there was a knock at the door. My wife could be heard answering it and quickly dismissing the solicitor.

I then grabbed my dog and carried him downstairs to see what it was all about. My dog is a 170 pound Mastiff so I hoisted him over my shoulders like a sack of potatoes and made my way… Not really, he’s a 12 pound Weiner Dog who likes to be carried everywhere and I like to hold him.

I asked my wife what that was all about and she said “Oh, I felt bad telling them no but it was some guy offering a dog grooming service”. I’m a paranoid man from Marz and so I immediately thought “He’s one of those one eyed creatures that frequent the catacombs at the shopping mall… running around and casting spells and such”.

My wife said I was insane and that the guy was legit, after all he had on a dog grooming smock, a badge and everything! Really… running around door to door in pouring rain, while conveniently wearing dog grooming attire in order to drum up business. I suppose I could put on a set of Scrubs, a stethoscope and go offer my medical services abroad.

I’m convinced he was either casing the house, which he learned was a fortress with security doors, windows and cameras or he was going to steal my dog. I can’t imagine how awful that would be for my dog or me if someone were to steal him. Who would give him his favorite food? Who would take him for rides in the car each and every morning so he could hang his head out the window? Who would sit beside him for hours staring out an upstairs window… No! I carry him everywhere with me, and never leave him alone. And he doesn’t need or want a bath because he likes being stinky.