SWARTHOS

I can feel the germs crawling all around me as I sit here, typing away on my keyboard. It’s enough to make a man go mad, or at least heavily intoxicated. The news headlines scream about yet another massive outbreak, spreading like wildfire through the unsuspecting population. And here I am, about to mingle with the masses at a public meeting come second week of January 2024. How did I get myself into this predicament? Who knows. The internet alarmists would say it was fate, but they always have an answer for everything.

I’ve heard it all before, the internet knows more than anyone these days. It knows your deepest desires, your secret fears, and apparently, the ins and outs of a virus that has everyone freaking out. So who am I to argue? I’ll just have to brave the storm and hope for the best. After all, a little risk adds some spice to life.

But I can’t lie, I’m feeling a bit apprehensive about this upcoming meeting. The thought of being trapped in a sea of potentially infected individuals is enough to make me break out in a cold sweat. Lucky for me, I have a well-stocked arsenal of alcohol and drugs to get me through this ordeal. Of course, I’ll have to be careful not to give away my condition. I want to appear happy, not psychotic. Although, some may argue that the two go hand in hand.

Since I’ll be chairing the event I may just start off the meeting by welcoming everyone on behalf of the Blue Sunshine institute of mind-altering drug enhancement. Nothing like a little humor to break the ice before things spiral into chaos. And trust me, they always do. One year, we even had the Mayor of this fine city grace our little pow wow. Unfortunately, I mistook him for the common riff-raff off the streets that usually crash our yearly brain drain. I almost threw his ass out. True story.

But back to the present, with the looming threat of contracting a fatal virus or at least a debilitating one, I am not looking forward to this upcoming affair. But I am a man of my word, and I will not back down from a challenge. However, I will have my trusty companions, drugs and alcohol, by my side. And who knows, maybe by the end of it all, I’ll have some wild and crazy stories to tell.

So keep an eye out for my future update on this microbe warzone, when I emerge from the other side, hopefully unscathed. Until then, I’ll be holed up in my bunker, heavily medicated, waiting for the inevitable chaos to ensue. And when it does, I’ll be ready. Godspeed to anyone who dares to join me. The Blue Sunshine institute welcomes you. Let’s bring this meeting to disorder.