SWARTHOS

Bloodletting At Quest Diagnostics Long Beach, CA

I originally posted this as a 5 Star review on Yelp. This true, thoughtful review was removed by the yelp-bots for one bogus reason or another… But no worry! I have the entire high quality review I had posted preserved for this, my new “SWARTHOS reviews” blog. I will be adhering to the 5 Star system] Right on.

Quest Diagnostics Bloodletting Facility located at: 5830 Downey Ave, Long Beach, CA 90806

I give this fine establishment: 5 Stars

As I entered the facility I immediately felt at ease when I realized that this location was fully automated by machinery. I don’t usually enjoy interacting with humanity so being able to complete my check-in fully via the electronic node was a real delight.

After completing my electronic interface at the check-in station, I made my way to the furthest reaches of the room so as to avoid human contact. Once I took my seat I placed myself into a deep meditative state within a hairsbreadth of death and proceeded to completely zone out.

As I sat in a deep meditative state, I could hear what sounded like screams of anguish and pain emanating from one of the rooms in the back. Horrific, blood curling screams along with muffled voices and then, silence…

Suddenly I was called upon, so I arose and made my way toward the voice that beckoned. I was instructed to enter room #7 where I took my seat and noticed all at once that there was a decal placed upon a metal object directly across the room from me that read “God has not forgotten you”. My eyes welled up with tears as I had been struggling with feelings of connection to God as of late, I was thankful for this reminder sent from on high as the technician began to remove my blood, placing it into small vials.

I spoke to her and said “This is all very fascinating”. She replied with “How so? I said “It runs through the interior of our bodies”. She replied, “Yes, It keeps you alive”. It was a pleasant conversation. It was over all too soon and I asked “Should I just leave?” She replied, “Not unless you would like to stay and hang around here all day”. I responded with, “No thank you ma’am” and proceeded to depart the facility.

If required, I will return to this facility for further bloodletting.

This review has received the 5 Fire Finger Certification.

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