SWARTHOS

The sun had retreated behind a layer of tired clouds, but instead of feeling gloomy and isolated, I focused on the comforting warmth it had left behind. As I inquired about her well-being, she responded with a trembling voice, explaining that her microphone was malfunctioning. Despite the challenge she was facing, she calmly conveyed her message through a faint static.

Every morning, I am a man alone in a world of solitude. I wake up and face the day knowing I will ultimately end it the same way—alone.  During the day, while I try to stay busy and make the most of what I have, I fight a sense of loneliness that grabs hold of my heart and makes it feel like an eternity until the sun sets and a new day begins. 

But when night falls and the inky blackness of the sky reveals its brilliance of stars, I’m back in my little world and I can breathe again. I can pick up my controller, log into my computer, and talk with a beautiful woman online while we play our favorite video game. 

Our connection only lasts for a brief moment, but in those few moments I’m no longer a lonely man. I’m a prince, a knight, a king, whatever my character name may be, who’s happy, entertained, and no longer alone. 

Our conversation is light, often silly, and always full of laughter. Together, we explore different levels and challenges, helping each other to achieve the impossible. 

It’s in these moments that I feel truly alive. I feel connected, not just to this beautiful woman, but to the world around me. Though I know the moment will end and the darkness will quickly return, I feel grateful for the brief moment of joy. 

No matter how brief, these moments remind me that even the loneliest of souls can find meaningful connection when they least expect it.

That beautiful woman on the other side of the screen, playing the video game with me while we chat. I am helplessly drawn to her, and I am lost in our conversations. She brings a wildness to my life, a spark that lifts me from my sadness. Together, we take on a shared adventure, an escape from the real world where I can be who I really am. I am comfortable and accepted in her presence.

But, like all things in my lonely life, our beautiful moments together must remain just a memory. She must never know how captivated I have become, or the joy she brings me. I must remind myself that the real her exists outside of our brief conversations, and we can never bridge that gap. I will never really know her, as I am the Lonely Man, forever adrift and cut off from the world. But, although she is beyond my reach, I will always cherish the moments we have shared.